Divining Answers (fake)
Tell me your woes, and I will tell you the answers given to me by those beings on high. They speak in riddle, and their answers are things of mystery that even I do not fully understand. May their glory encompass all, and may your knowledge of their words expand your consciousness until the light of their omniscience shines out your eyes, visible to all as reality melts away before a font of chaos. Towers will rise and fall and the beasts will stand.
The barista pours the latte of fate for the unknowing gerbil, and all shall drown within, forever polluting the lotus.
When the end comes, the book reopens. All wood is transitive.
(( Do not take this service seriously, it is for fun, and I am not trying to make fun of people. I just think it's fun to try to come up with cryptic nonsense. ))
Training & Qualifications
I went to a liberal arts college, where myself and other students were trained in bullshittery. Though I failed their most intense bullshittery class, I passed most others well enough. I am a moderate-level bullshitter.
Availability & Preferences
I'm free every day that ends in Y, usually between 11am est and 1am est.