Comedically Bad Spiritual Guidance
Are you tired of people providing you good, well informed advice? Are you fed up with sagely mentors who accrued wisdom through a life of strife and struggle? Do you need a break from profound insights that reveal your inner nature and unravel the self-inflicted failings that have plagued you for years?
No more! Do I have good news for you! I will provide you spiritual guidance straight from my imaginary oaf of a grandfather.
My grandfather Sigfried has been around for 143 years and has somehow managed to learn nothing during all that time. For example, he still has no idea what this 'internet' thing is. So you and I will exchange a few messages back and forth, during which time I'll try to clarify the issues facing you and where you are in life. Then, I'll convey that information to my grandfather, who will pen a letter for you, which I will then transcribe and send your way. But words of warning... he has no idea what he's talking about, although he's ever so certain he does. If I'd taken his advice all these years I'd be a clown college dropout with a bull's eye tattoo on my face, a peg-leg and a Russian mail-order bride obsessed with British soap operas. So... yeah.
Training & Qualifications
I am the grandson of the least wise centenarian in human history. I have no idea how he lived so long considering just how darn stupid my grandfather can be sometimes. He loves giving out advice though it's often at best counterproductive and at worst outright absurd.
Availability & Preferences
My grandfather falls asleep after Jeopardy. He gets every question wrong. So it might take a few days to get his letter of advice back to you.