Solemnize your wedding. Finding a person to officiate your wedding shouldn't be difficult or come with strings.
Non-religious services, LGBT friendly, non-traditional services. Will travel (within reason). Can help with service and vows.
Willing to just sign the paperwork and let you get on with your lives.

I once did a Frankenstein's Monster/Bride of Frankenstein wedding on Holloween and everybody dressed up, it was very sweet and cool. The Bride's dad had an actual shotgun... that part was a bit tense.