I'm a thirtyfive year old grieving mom. Whom lost my Oldest Son EDDY. This last October he commented suicide so I'm looking to heal Myself An maybe help Others !! Today is my first time logging but I am happy to be here for sure all new An still LEARNING THIS SITE !! This is tough to know what to write in the little box here lol So I just will keep an open mind An Seek out Powerful Knowledge to check this out for the next move i don't have clue yet.
Over the past year, I've been challenged in more ways than one. Life has dealt me every hand you I feel one could be dealt. Have felt some of the highest highs and lowest lows. Feelings and emotions that hold on to you so tightly and drag you so deep to the darkest inner parts of our own racing mind that we too almost convince ourselves we won't ever come back. That the path has become too dark for us to see our way, we no longer see the person we once knew was in us in the mirror. The reflection staring back at me in the mirror was a woman I no longer recognized. In the midst of all the pain, anger, sadness, frustration, confusion...the chaos that was consuming my mind, a far off faint gleem of light started to glow. Although sometimes we feel simply letting go is easier than being human. To turn off our feelings to how we truly feel will make it easier to continue on living then to open our minds and worlds to new experiences and interpretation of things around us but it's not...the road you end up taking away from this toxic negativity will never be easy, but it's a lot easier than living miserably. You find along this path of enlighten support, good intentions, a new kind of freedom, genuine love...beautiful souls. Unlike the path you remain, which simply allows you to keep drowning yourself in loneliness, to be surrounded by so many but feel like your a million miles away. One day I woke up...and realized that is not a life I have ever wanted for myself and not one I was going to live. Like I said, that road to change isn't easy but it's a lot easier than being sad. You have to realize that in life you're suppose to live, hard times do end but you too have to be the change you want to see especially in your own life. It's okay to feel, we're humans we've been gifted with the ability to feel the way we do because it's Natural, exactly what nature had intended. Nobody ever said that change had to be easy and that there wouldn't be struggle along the way. They say choose the path that scares you the most because it allows you the most growth. That sometimes we have to get out from under that comfort blanket because we haven't realized that comfort blanket...isn't so comfortable anymore until we're on the outside looking in, allowing ourselves to be blinded by what had been holding us back and under water for so long.
So here I am...still on this path now instead of just being alive, I feel I'm truly living following my own yellow brick road to Oz.